Everybody have those days when they feel fat, and so do i. No im not skinny and perfect, guys stop kidding me. Honestly, who doesnt have flaws?
I’ve a pear shaped body, i’ve big hips. And once in awhile i get really sad about how fat my hips are. And today was really bad. I started surfing through the net for ways to reduce fats, pictures of skinny people, pictures of curvy people, of fat people, all sorts of ways to make myself feel better and it didnt work. So i was wallowing in self pity, and that led to a really big pity party all by myself sigh.
I think i deserve to wallow in self pity because:
1. i have ginormous hips.
so many times ive bought shorts and cant fit into those. i tell myself all ive to do is lose 3 inches (which is freaking a lot, cause that’s 8cm) and i can be normal. but no, i cant. i love shorts, but its so hard to find a pair that can make me look normal. im forever looking for shorts and buying shorts cause none fits me fine :(( I’m not able to wear a normal swimsuit, the one piece kind because my hips are so freaking big, and i have stretch marks. I need to wear the 2 piece kind, with shorts.
2. i live in jurong west.
do you know how freaking far that is from everywhere else? all my friends stay in either serangoon gardens or east coast. nobody even stay remotely close to me, nobody to take train home with me, nobody invite me to their houses for fun cause i’ll always turn down, its too far :( i had to turn down 2 job offers because its too far, often a lot of events ive to leave earlier just so i can get home at a decent time. after concerts i cant hang out with everybody else for supper :(((( if i want to meet my friends in town, i’ve to take 1.5 hours because i need half an hour to get ready, shower/makeup/get dressed, and 1 hour to travel.
3. i am an IB student.
You have no idea how shitty it is, i’ve no more social life, i’ve no sleep. Ive to turn down next year trips to London and Berlin because there’s no way i can cope. I only have enough time and energy for school alone. Im even going to quit my 3 year job of ballet pianist (no income!), stop playing in SNYO and OMM, which will probably kill me with the love of orchestra music i have. Yes, i want to be a professional orchestra player. I never knew the true meaning of rushing deadlines until this year. So many times, rushing essays out through the night with cups of Lipton Tea and even Nescafe (causing me to be nausea and cant eat for an entire day cause im caffeine-intolerant) until the very last minute through assembly just so i can hand in on the dot. so many so many times, coming home late after continuous orchestra rehearsals every night, by the time i settle down it’s midnight, and then i start work. All those shitty nights when i really just break down, then quickly wipe away my tears so as not to waste time and continue doing work. Missing out on dinners at home.
Okay and the above 3 big reasons are why i think i deserve to wallow in self-pity. Then i decided no, self-pity is selfish, it’s self indulgent and silly.
So i came up with reasons why i SHOULD NOT wallow in self-pity:
1. I have Christ, what can be more important? Christ-centred life, not self-centred life!!!
2. Im going to have an awesome 18th birthday party!
3. I have many nice pink things. Pink macbook, pink texas calculator, pink room with pink walls and floral curtains and floral bedsheets/pillow case, pink hello kitty desk lamp
4. I have tons of clothes in my wardrobe yet to be worn out
5. I am not broke
6. My hair is always in good shape/colour
7. I have done 1500 words of essay today (!!!!)
8. I can bake.
9. I have a wonderful supportive family, both immediate and extended
10. I have tons of wonderful friends who truly love and care for me
11. I have people reading my blog and twitter about my rants and i should not burden them
12. It’s holiday right now
13. Im not that fat actually, its just my hips. If i dont look down, it’s fine. I can wear skirts.
14. I had chicken soup for dinner.
15. It’s time for me to shower
Okay and my mood is lightened up! Thank you all for listening to my rants and im not going to wallow in self-pity anymore, going to shower!!!
